Current Status: Sloth Reader MODE ON

Hmm.. I was once declared myself as a bookworm or somewhat reading lots of things, good or bad, align or opposite my views & beliefs. I swallowed all of them, so that I have huge and vast point of view despite of most people. There are sometimes I can see things that no one sees, hmm in knowledge terms yes, not somekind of scary things spiritual thingy. I have had such a big, HUGE inspiration from reading, through it I got inspirationas for day to day basics, or just simply imagination on how people live in other side of the world. Reading led me to other time or era, WWII, 20's, 40's 70's or even a glimpse of future fiction. Reading can bring you to someoneelse's point of view, the way of thinking, the way of life, or just the way they talk or respond to others. That's why I love to read, you can be anyone you want, you can be anywhere, anytime and you can speak many language too... well as if 💞 even though I can only read books in Bahasa Indonesia & English, hmm and Arabic for Qur'an, though the translation is still using English or Bahasa.

I like to read Sloth-like-pace :D

Through time, I read less and less, I don't know why, may be I'm just too lazy, or lately I get busy with my social media like Instagram, Youtube and others, and yes serial movies, K-Drama *sigh* well that is toxic, I can admit but it's just another guilty pleasure other than junk food & soda drinks :D but somehow my daily basis works absorb most of my time and my head. It occupies both mentally & physically (I get easily sick lately though). How I can't blame them, I just have to stay update and stay awake to communcation about works trhough Instant Messaging like whatsApp, telegram and others :( then I realize, I started reading lots of books but never finished them, but yes I had the time to BUY them... 

I have MASSIVE PILES OF UNREAD BOOKS, WHY? I just looooooooove to buy them, and claiming didn't have much time to read (yeah bullsh*t) :D Let's see, I always have the time to visit a book store, in malls, or airports haahahaha, I do like to visit them than I visit departement store to buy clothes, shoes, or bags. And I got to be honest I lately bought 9 books yes BIG NINE from the yearly book market BBW Jakarta 2017, I did it spontaneously, when will I read them?? I DON'T KNOW!! However I still got 2 books I borrowed from a friend and still not finished the, where I borrowed them like 2 years ago OMAIGAAD, and I just had finished one of the two books... :( now I admit that I'm such a sloth... in the bookworm world TT_TT..

I recently start to read again, finishing one borrowed book was such an accomplishment, and when I see through again my Goodreads account, there are lots of currently reading status and not yet updated... and some were from 2010, what have I become :(

The one newest and I don't know :(

The one from 2010 :(

Some of the books I really don't know where exactly their exostences are :D well It's all depending on my mood, when you see my colection of books, it differs in so many ways, I'd ather loves fiction but I love historical fiction sometime chicklit would satisfy my light taste for laguange or just to have a flowing style in thinking.

Okayyy.. despite of the books piles drama I do want to finish my book chalenge this year, yes somehow I'd hope for that though, 5 books for the whole year. Mediocre, I know, but really with this kind of sloth-like-reading-pace I bet finishing 5 books would be such an achievement.. so thereee.. wish me luck!!! (and still I want to buy MORE books :D)

5 Books for Whole Year, Wish Me Luck ;)

How I miss the old me....

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." – Anon

Have you ever wanted to go back in time? or just to feel the same energy like you had before? The enthusiaism, the craving for new things.... are some of the part the I miss the most....

Ada beberapa titik dalam kehidupan dimana aku bisa overcome things that I never imagined to face to... I was once never feeling lonely when I was alone. I was once bravely facing everything while I was so exhausted and even clueless. I was once a person who had a strong belief and dream. I was so determined in anything comes to my life in any way I could. But now, why do I feel everything is different?

A friend told me that I'm not in the same teritorry as I was before, where currently everything's more heterogent and challenging than before. I need to be more tactical in a very simple thing in my life. But is that what I want? Is that what I want to achieve? or I just don't want to learn? or I just don't want to change? or I just want to be in the safe side?

Many things wandered in my head, my fears, my regrets, my thoughts, my questions, my instability. Well, perhaps some one can be changed because of the environment or the forces are bigger than their life so they should change and survive. But become a survivor is not enough here, so what should I do? I just miss the old me, with the courage and the hope :(

..looking back over my shoulder.....

Hit again..Moment to Know My Self

Yes, It hits again, over and over again. I don't know why, perhaps this illness is closely related to mental condition. Yes, it's called gastritis, or biasa di sebut maag.

Kejadian ini bertubi-tubi menyerang, sudah hampir 3 minggu ke 3 dokter yang berbeda, diagnosanya sama --> Maag. Yang pertama awalnya pilek dan batuk seperti radang tenggorokan sudah hampir 2 minggu ga sembuh-sembuh akhirnya ke dokter spesialis THT karena suara totally hilang (Sabtu 29 Juni 2013), yang jadinya perlu bertahan dengan serak-serak sexy basah bertahan selama seminggu. Si Dokter THT ini bilang bahwa radang tenggorokannya sudah hilang tinggal pilek ringan saja, tapi ini waaah <it's like an 'aha' moment for the doctor while he was pointing his micro camera through my larynx> pita suaranya memang bengkak karena iritasi asam lambung. WHAATTT??!! asam lambung sampe pita suara. Well sama dokternya dikasih obat maag yg diminum sebelum makan dan obat antiradang. Well berjalan 3-4 hari obat maag ini ternyata punya efek samping, yaitu sembelit :( maka dihentikanlah ini obat (Pumpitor namanya) hari Jumat (5 Juli 2013) sudah ga minum dan bisa lancar BAB besok paginya.

Nah hari Sabtunya (6 Juli 2013) sorenya ada rasa aneh sakit diperut dari perut bagian kiri sampai kanan sampai ke pinggang dan punggung. OMG, ga tenang abis, takut karena ga selesai-selesai sakitnya langsunglah ke UGD. Maak UGD rumah sakitnya Full, luar biasa, ngeliat dokter jaganya yang cakep deep down inside stress menelpon dokter spesialis yang mgkn utk pasien lain. Ketika diperiksa sam si dokter, dia lsg bilang, ini makannya gmn, stress atau gmn? dan ketika si dokter meletakkan stetoskop di perut bilang waah ribut emang sih perutnya sama kembung. Alhasil dese cuman ngasih obat obat maag yg diminum sblm makan dan suplemen enzim plus anti mual. And I got dismissed home. 

The pain didn't go, as it hit again on Sunday night, on Moday I went to other hospital. This time, to the Internist - Gastroenterologist, which had the speciality in abdominal section. Well, he also recognized this as gastroesophagealreflux disease (GERD) yaah bahasanya sama lah yaaah Maag. Nah si dokter sempat mengindikasikan takutnya ada batu empedu kemudian diminta untuk USG dan ada treatment lain utk mendeteksi kuman dalam perut. Satu diagnosa dokternya yang mirip dengan dokter sebelumnya adalah ketika dia meletakkan stetoskop di perut, dia bilang emang ribut banget ini perut. Well the doctor said no more and asked me to visit again this Friday (July 12th 2013). Before that he seemed to ask me on the endoscopy procedure, but I rejected because it was too early and I'm afraid, so the doctor suggested to have USG instead though the radiologist said that she couldn't see the ulcer since it needs endoscopy. However, the Internist said it would be ok to have an endoscopy procedure since you would be sleeping during the process, but I couldn't when I was alone during the examination.

That was all one of hell stories, mungkin ada masalah dengan mental dan badanku ini mengingat apa yang terjadi akhir-akhir ini di pekerjaan. Well mungkin semua itu hanya di kepalaku, dan badanku bereaksi lebay luar biasa. Penasaran juga, waktu-waktu sakit ini, bikin berpikir menjadi lebih dalam. Not to mention tugas kuliah yang bisa dikerjaan pun juga berantakan *sigh*

Kalau dipikir-pikir, mungkin penyebabnya dari pikiran yang terlalu rumit, mungkin yah, karena sudah sekitar 1 bulan mencoba gaya hidup sehat dengan green smoothies dan memperbanyak buah-buahan. Kekurangan makanan padat bisa jadi pemicunya, karena asam lambung akan menghancurkan makanan padat yang masuk ke lambung. Tapi faktor pertama sangat signifikan sepertinya. Soal faktor pemicu seperti stress dan pikiran rumit bisa jadi pemicu dari semua ini. Walaupun mungkin seharusnya ga perlu reaksi lebay segitunya, it's only my head can control :(

Ada satu hal yang tiba-tiba terpikir ketika sakit begini, tentang sifat ini apakah turunan atau bagaimana. I have a head and a vision like my father's, which always seeking for perfection and excellence in ideas and implementations, while my body and mental condition are more to my mother's which always seeking for comfort and safe zone to be the best. Kedua hal ini tentu saja contradictory, sangat bertolak belakang, ketika kita ingin sesuatu yang excellent tapi ga mampu ketika berada di titik tekanan tertentu atau saat keadaan tidak sesuai dengan perencanaan dan gambaran di kepala. Well, do I angry to my parents for inheriting these? nope, I hope not though. It's not fair to blame someone else, where the one whose control you is yourself. 

A good friend of mine said I need to have a better life, a better quality of life, don't stuck just too busy in my head. Well, she's totally right, I just need to face it anyway, when it's not working good then it's fine at least you try at your best. Maybe it's because the environment I'm in always see perfection is a must and any tolerance of failure will kick you out of league. A league that I never had any intend to jump in, but I'm there anyway :( 

Well, that's all the rumbling moment of one's sickness, my father always reminds me to ne sincere in living my life, a friend also sent me a motivation "Alloh SWT will never be bored to hear your prayings untill you, yourself get bored"

Saya Pintar, Saya Bisa, Saya Sanggup...

Mungkin semboyan "Stay hungry, stay foolish" sangat terkenal buat memotivasi kita untuk terus belajar. Ga ada yang salah sih disini, cuman apa yah hubungannya sama judul postingan kali ini.

Saya ga percaya dan ga akan pernah percaya bahwa ada orang bodoh di dunia ini. Walaupun mungkin bisa dikatakan pintar dalam melakukan kesalahan berulang kali. Tapi apakah itu salah sehingga apa yg dipikirkan, apa yang dilakukan itu ternyata tidak sesuai dengan tempatnya? dan sekonyong-konyong dicap bodoh atau ga pintar. Well, it's just my thought, that every one has his/her own intelegencies, however perhaps they just don't use it in the right time, the right place, or with the right people.

Pemikiran ini timbul karena saat ini, orang-orang yang mungkin (in my opinion) by default gifted atau berbakat atau juga dibilang memiliki rezeki sejak lahir, ada di sekitar saya. Apa itu? misal cum laude di salah satu perguruan tinggi teknologi atau universitas yang diklaim paling favorit dan berkumpulnya 'orang-orang' pintar, lahir dari keluarga berkecukupan dan kerja di tempat impian semua orang. Ketika di dunia kerja mereka pas dan tepat sekali atau berhasil menemukan apa yang mereka gemari dan kemampuan mereka itu dikenali para atasannya. Dan dalam situasi dunia kerja, pada kenyataanya ga semuanya berhasil mendapatkan semua itu, or just simple orang-orang lain yang not just in time or stumbled on the wrong people or simply just in the wrong environment. Irony? may be... but the worst is when everything is being quantified alias dihitung secara kuantitatif berdasarkan angka dan kemampuan kognitif, well it all comes up with position for over performer or excellent performer.

Ada contoh lain, yang sering diceritakan oleh teman-teman saya, tentang jurusan kuliah atau penentuan jalan hidup seorang anak yang lulus SMU. Mungkin sekarang udah berubah jamannya, tapi mungkin kejadian seperti ini masih ada. Sering saya dengar bahwa orang tua selalu ingin anaknya jadi dokter, insinyur, atau jurusan favorit lainnya. Bila pun si anak akhirnya menuruti kemauan orang tuanya (ini kalo ternyata anaknya ga terlalu bertolak belakang keinginannya dari si orangtua) ada dua kemungkinan, si anak menemukan ritme kehidupannya di sekolah tersebut atau malah cabut karena under perform di kuliahnya.

Again, it's all about under perform, or just worng position, wrong choice, wrong time, and wrong position :(

Pernah saya mendengar keluhan dari seorang saudara dari anaknya yang ternyata dari semua tes kuliah di universitas negri (S1) gagal, baik jalur SMPTN ataupun jalur mandiri. Si anak yg syukurnya cukup terbuka kepada ayahnya, bilang "Pak, aku ini ga pinter ya?". Sedih kan yah kalau kita sebagai orang tuanya. Untungnya si orang tua berhasil menyemangati si anak yang akhirnya menemukan dunianya di pendidikan D3 and he perfomes well, very well I think.

Contoh di atas adalah contoh yang bagus akhirnya, masih banyak orang tua yang pada akhirnya tetap bersikukuh si anak untuk bersekolah di tempat yg menurut mereka baik dan mungkin pasaran saat itu sedang baik, atau berdasarkan ramalan kedepannya lulusan X dibutuhkan dalam jumlah banyak. Well, it's a mechanism for parents to express their love, hjowever most of the times it was not well communicated or just simply not well received. :)

Any way, kemampuan belajar itu yang penting. Oiya bukan hanya belajar tapi mengaplikasikan apa yang kita pelajari itu yang jauuuh lebih sulit :) (saya juga sedang belajar mengaplikasikan apa yang saya pelajari dalam hidup)

Sementara itu.... I don't care, I LOVE IT :)