Jun 15, 2023

Content But (and) Confused?

 "Kamu tahu Mugler Nggie?" 

Pertanyaan itu yang diucapkan seorang teman yang mungkin lebih sering berkecimpung di dunia otak kanan dibandingkan dengan aku yang mungkin setelah sekian lama masih berkecimpung di dunia otak kiri.

Long way short, dalam dunia overthinking, dan berbagai waktu bolak balik sakit dan lainnya, akhirnya memilih mencoba menulis lagi. Ya.. mungkin bukan menulis yang bakal generating revenue dan source of useful information yang terkait teknis lalala dan yeyeye, but it's okay mungkin ini semacam coping mechanism terhadap ombak informasi yg selalu datang setiap waktu.

Dulu waktu masih kecil, selalu terbayang bahwa semua hal tentang kedewasaan akan mulai datang di usia 20 dan sudah sangat dewasa as in matured dewasa bukan aged dewasa di sekitaran usia 30an. Spouse, children, career, achievements, semua dipikir bakal sudah figured out di usia 20 - 30an. I thought it would be like that, sampai saatnya dirimu berada di usia akhir 30-an. Some checklists had been ticked, but perhaps not the usual ones, like spouse and children, but some were already passed through, and yet I still don't know where I am going to.

Semua soal stabilitas, ya, ada sebuah konstan yang pada dasarnya baik saat ini yang mungkin membuat sedikit resah. Ya.. resah.. bukan berarti tidak bersyukur, tapi ada sesuatu tenaga lebih yang ingin dikreasikan, tetapi apa masih belum tahu. Belum lagi sebuah rebound terhadap konsistensi yang selalu mengalir sepanjang usia. Tried this and tried that, but always ended up rebound, to nothing to do. Kadang dipikir-pikir apakah soal pasangan dan anak, dimana tenaga utk mengkreasikan ini akan tersedot pada 2 hal itu. Tapi jika berkaca pada contoh kasus lain, sepertinya tidak, some of them content, or may be constantly doing their energy created effort on something, like hobbies, people, anything, or may be they also don't know but they content it very good.

Back to Mugler, ya sudah terlanjur dalam dunia otak kiri sejak masa remaja, bikin orang sedikit mengharapkan bahwa pengetahuan soal dunia desain, fashion dan apapun yg ada otak kanannya terhadapku sangat kecil. Seorang teman juga berkali-kali mengingatkan untuk mulai side hustle di bidang desain tapi waktu semangat yang belum bisa dibuat khusus untuk itu. Tentu saya soal komitmen untuk tetap menjaga kegiatan side hustle tetap berjalan, sepertinya isunya lebih ke komitmen. Coba ada berapa kegiatan dicoba dilakukan banyak juga yang kandas, I prefer rest a lot.

Masih aneh nggak sih ya di usia 30an masih ga tau apa yang pengen kamu lakukan tapi selalu keliatan content? Nggak terlalu ingin berkompetisi tapi cukup kreatif dengan apa yang dimiliki aja, dan fokus pada kebaikan diri di masa depan? Tidak terlalu bertarget seperti di usia 20-an dan awal 30-an, tidak terpaksa ingin ikut trend dan sebagainya. Nggak apa2 kan ya?


- Surabaya, 15 June 2023 -


May 4, 2020

Stay at Home Week 8 : How Are You Doing?

Assalamu'alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, Halooo, Apa kabar?


Akhirnya mampir lagi ke blog ini, bertahun-tahun terlewati, lama banget. Kesini, akhirnya mau nulis lagi setelah bingung mau ngapain lagi. Terakhir posting pas tepat 3 tahun yang lalu, yak 3 tahun persis. Nulis disini lagi mungkin karena sudah jengah dengan keseharian terkungkung di apartemen seluas 70m2an, hanya berteman TV, laptop, tanaman, dapur, kasur, bantal, guling, mesin cuci, balkon dan kulkas. Nggak ngerti kenapa menyebutkan barang - barang itu sebagai teman, karena asli, human interaction is very least for the pas 8 weeks. Gimana nggak, cuman ngobrol sama Pak Satpam pas ambil paket kiriman, sama mbak penjaga Indomaret, sama Bapak tukang air mineral :D dan yang paling disyukuri adalah sampai hari ini diberi kesehatan... Alhamdulillah...

Iya, ini masih masa hits pandemi Covid-19 itu, sebuah fenomena dunia yang mengubah semua orang dalam berinteraksi. Sudah nggak ada lagi nongkrong-nongkrong sama temen pas weekend, kerja dari rumah (Work from Home - WFH) dan yang agak sedih, nggak bisa pergi keluar - keluar dengan bebas, seperti keluar kota atau pulang ke kampung halaman.  Pandemi ini memang seperti cobaan seluruh dunia, yang kalau dibaca-baca, even pandemi ini seperti pandemi di tahun 1918 Spanish Flu. Level penyebaran yang sangat cepat dan masa inkubasi yang cukup lama, bikin pandemi Covid - 19 ini sangat fatal dan mengerikan. Berita banyak banget meliput ini, mulai yang ilmiahnya, cara-cara pencegahannya, semuanya, seolah2 informasi itu seperti tsunami buat kita yang orang awam ini. Intinya pembatasan interaksi antar manusia dibatasi, maka adalah beberapa jalan keluar dalam kegiatan sehari - hari, work from home, online shop, pesan antar dan sebagainya. Impact ekonomi juga luar biasa, terutama buat rakyat yang penghidupan berdasarkan upah harian atau hasil kerja harian, kebayang penderitaan orang sebanyak itu T_T.

Awal - awal stay at home atau work from home ini bener - bener bikin sedikit depresi, iya, karena selain memang secara mental belum beradaptasi, informasi yang luar biasa masuk ke kepala ini, waktu kerja yang amburadul (aseli sebagai pegawai pipa telekomunikasi masa-masa ini dituntut dedikasi yang lebih, termasuk weekend dan tanggal merah), tiap hari dengan ambulance (beneran 6 - 1- kali sehari) dan mengatur asupan makanan sama olah raga. Selain itu the feeling of uselessness mendera, merasa bahwa kita kurang kontribusi terhaap diri sendiri maupun orang lain, walaupun sudah berdonasi dan sudah bekerja lebih. 2- 3 minggu pertama emosi luar biasa, astaghfirullah klo ingat itu semua orang rasanya dimarahin T_T, kerjaan datang seperti banjir bandang. Alhamdulillah diberi kesibukan walaupun memang mengatasi keadaan psikologis ini, perlu bertahap, iya lebih rajin ibadah, lebih sering ikut kajian, semoga mengobati dikit demi sedikit. Aamiin...

Hari ini 4 Mai 2020, atau tanggal 11 Ramadhan 1441 H, masih suasana Ramadhan, tapi beda banget. Tahun lalu masih bisa jamaah tarawih di masjid, baik di kantor atau masjid - masjid lainnya yang menyelenggarakan tarawih berjamaah. Biasanya sama temen-temen ikut safari tarawih sekalian, ikut kajian di masjid. Membayangkan itu aja sekarang, yang sehari-hari memang terbiasa sholat munfarid, tapi di Ramadhan ini, masuk hari ke 11, rasanya ada yang hilang. Paling nggak biasanya awal-awal puasa pulang ke Surabaya, tengah-tengah nanti safari tarawih sama temam-teman, terus 10 hari terakhir ada agenda mabit untuk i'tikaf di masjid bareng temen-temen, dan yang ditunggu adalah mudik, iya pulang ke tempat papa -mama dan adik-adik, kumpul keluarga dan lain sebagainya. Nggak tau apakah tahun ini bisa menjalani seperti tahun lalu, kalaupun nggak, yah sudah mencoba menyiapkan mental dari sekarang, walaupun sedih memang nggak bisa terhindarkan.

Fenomena lain dalam waktu -waktu ini adalah, adanya pemotongan THR yang tentu saja sebenarnya untuk disumbangkan perusahaan ke yang membutuhkan. Masih mengirimkan formulir kesediaan dan nilainya sudah diberikan, atau boleh bebas dengan nominal minimal 100ribu. Kadang harus disyukuri masih menerima THR tahun ini walaupun memang disesuaikan untuk didonasikan perusahaan. Nggak kebayang sekarang sudah banyak yang tidak bergaji, boro-boro THR. Cuman berdoa semoga semua ini bisa bermanfaat untuk orang-orang yang membutuhkan. Aaamiiin.

Disela-sela WFH, kira-kira ngapain aja ya, buanyaaak, selain kegiatan ibadah, akhirnya melakukan beberapa kegiatan lain, yang nggak perlu keluar dari apartemen, kira-kira ini list diantaranya:
  1. Video Call sama Mama - Papa & teman-teman. Ya berusaha berinteraksi dengan siapapun secara virtual itu perlu, apalagi kalau yang tinggal sendirian macam diriku ini
  2. Nonton Film & Serial. Sudah nggak terhitung berapa serial diselesaikan dan berapa film yang sudah ditonton, Kdrama, Western sampai film berbahasa asing lain (Jerman, Spanyol dst), nanti kubikin sinopsis dan reviewnya mungkin ya, karena film - film yang kutonton mungkin ada beberapa yang ga mainstream. Psst... aku rela langganan nomer operator sebelah supaya bisa nonton Netflix hahahha (that far.....)
  3. Masak, yahhh, bukan yang heboh juga sih dimakan sendiri, paling tumis-tumis aja, paling mewah masih cuman sukiyaki wkwkwkwk
  4. Olah raga online. Ya, sebelum pandemi ini sudah doyan olah raga, walaupun ya gitu anggi gampang banget bosen dan susah istiqomahnya klo sudah di atas 2-3 bulan, nah pas WFH minggu ke 1 - 4 masih mayan rajin 1- 3 kali seminggu, sekarang hmm, kenapa kalau puasa itu jam semakin cepat berlalu ya
  5. Ikut kelas online/webinar. Yaaa dari sekian periode masa lihat - lihat dan mempertimbangkan maka akhirnya ikut webinar berbayar, walau baru sekali (wakwaw) tapi insya Allah berfaedah. Selain webinar berbayar kebanyakan lihat kajian sama tutorial gratis di youtube. Mau nambah webinar berbayar lain, masih mempertimbangkan sih, milih yang mana (sampe sekarang masih tahap mempertimbangkan
  6. Membeli Mengadopsi tanaman. Huwaaaaa... setelah mempertimbangkan banyak hal (yak Anggi adalah penimbang keputusan yang ulung, karena belum tentu diimplementasikan) akhirnya membeli beberapa tanaman hias, untuk bisa menghibur diri. Keputusan yang berat sih karena memang tahu sifat diri yang suka gampang bosen dan mager ini mempertanyakan komitmen pelaksanaan (halah) maka dipilihlah tanaman -tanaman dengan kesuksesan hidup tinggi (kalau kata temenku sih gitu) dan yang pasti murah (kalau ditambah ongkir nggak juga sih ya). Sekarang sudah terkumpuk sekitar 7 tanaman yang sudah dibeli diadopsi, dan sudah mulai dirawat sesuai dengan teori yang dibaca dan dipelajari (yak, beneran nyatet sama how to nya) semoga aja bisa bertahan ya tanamannya, ya keistiqomah-an ini. Kayaknya nanti mau bikin blog sendiri tentang ini
    5 Tanaman yang dibeli 
  7. Memotong rambut sendiri. YAAAA.............. akibat terlena dan terbiasa procrastinating alias menunda-nunda potong rambut dan keburu pandemi, yaaa akhirnya motong rambut sendiri. Gimana caranya? well buka youtube dan cari "bagaimana cara memotong rambut sendiri" atau "How to cut your own hair" hahaha, alhamdulillah hasilnya tidak mengecewakan
  8. Bikin video tiktok. Hmmmm sebenernya bukan video sendiri sih, tapi tiktokannya satu bagian besar di kantor. Ternyata susah, takenya harus 4 - 5 kali heuheu.... i give respect to those who make videos like these to be viral
  9. Ngisi template - template IG Story. Yaaaa... ini ngetren di minggu - minggu pertama stay at home, ga tau ada berapa ya yang sudah dibuat, sampai - sampai bosen sendiri, entah gunanya apa, faedahnya apa selain viral dan lagi tren
  10. Menggambar. Iyaa, kemarin weekend akhirnya bongkar - bongkar peralatan hobi, ternyata masih ada cat air sama pensil cat air, lumayan lah, killing time, walaupun mungkin masih kaku lagi tangannya, karena mungkin gambarnya terakhir tahun lalu, hahahahaha.
Sekian lah ya, rangkuman ngapain aja selama 8 minggu ini, 3 tahun berlalu dari update terakhir dari tulisan terakhir di blog, semoga ada waktu yaa.... nulis - nulis update lagi :) See you..

Wassalamu'alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh




Apr 30, 2017

Current Status: Sloth Reader MODE ON


Hmm.. I was once declared myself as a bookworm or somewhat reading lots of things, good or bad, align or opposite my views & beliefs. I swallowed all of them, so that I have huge and vast point of view despite of most people. There are sometimes I can see things that no one sees, hmm in knowledge terms yes, not somekind of scary things spiritual thingy. I have had such a big, HUGE inspiration from reading, through it I got inspirationas for day to day basics, or just simply imagination on how people live in other side of the world. Reading led me to other time or era, WWII, 20's, 40's 70's or even a glimpse of future fiction. Reading can bring you to someoneelse's point of view, the way of thinking, the way of life, or just the way they talk or respond to others. That's why I love to read, you can be anyone you want, you can be anywhere, anytime and you can speak many language too... well as if 💞 even though I can only read books in Bahasa Indonesia & English, hmm and Arabic for Qur'an, though the translation is still using English or Bahasa.
I like to read Sloth-like-pace :D
Through time, I read less and less, I don't know why, may be I'm just too lazy, or lately I get busy with my social media like Instagram, Youtube and others, and yes serial movies, K-Drama *sigh* well that is toxic, I can admit but it's just another guilty pleasure other than junk food & soda drinks :D but somehow my daily basis works absorb most of my time and my head. It occupies both mentally & physically (I get easily sick lately though). How I can't blame them, I just have to stay update and stay awake to communcation about works trhough Instant Messaging like whatsApp, telegram and others :( then I realize, I started reading lots of books but never finished them, but yes I had the time to BUY them... 

I have MASSIVE PILES OF UNREAD BOOKS, WHY? I just looooooooove to buy them, and claiming didn't have much time to read (yeah bullsh*t) :D Let's see, I always have the time to visit a book store, in malls, or airports haahahaha, I do like to visit them than I visit departement store to buy clothes, shoes, or bags. And I got to be honest I lately bought 9 books yes BIG NINE from the yearly book market BBW Jakarta 2017, I did it spontaneously, when will I read them?? I DON'T KNOW!! However I still got 2 books I borrowed from a friend and still not finished the, where I borrowed them like 2 years ago OMAIGAAD, and I just had finished one of the two books... :( now I admit that I'm such a sloth... in the bookworm world TT_TT..

I recently start to read again, finishing one borrowed book was such an accomplishment, and when I see through again my Goodreads account, there are lots of currently reading status and not yet updated... and some were from 2010, what have I become :(


The one newest and I don't know :(


The one from 2010 :(

Some of the books I really don't know where exactly their exostences are :D well It's all depending on my mood, when you see my colection of books, it differs in so many ways, I'd ather loves fiction but I love historical fiction sometime chicklit would satisfy my light taste for laguange or just to have a flowing style in thinking.

Okayyy.. despite of the books piles drama I do want to finish my book chalenge this year, yes somehow I'd hope for that though, 5 books for the whole year. Mediocre, I know, but really with this kind of sloth-like-reading-pace I bet finishing 5 books would be such an achievement.. so thereee.. wish me luck!!! (and still I want to buy MORE books :D)



5 Books for Whole Year, Wish Me Luck ;)



Apr 24, 2017

Why Am I An Assh*le? But So Is Everyone Else...

Yes, I'm still here, Alhamdulillah, in a healthy condition despite my struggle for obese-type-of-not-wanting-to-diet thingy.. and yes, I'm still single and already a thirty something person... well I don't know what people say about my condition (the single thingy) since I never listen what other said like forever..

But it's 2017.. yes 2017, it's like everything's grown and changed like within a blink of eye.. many things has shifted, like morals, habits, economy -yeah right- and trends. Talking about behavioural trends, sometimes I ask myself, "Where has the gentlemen's gesture gone?"... Yep, I call it, "gentlemen gesture", what is that? well simple things, like giving hand to a woman, girl, or female while she's on a stair, giving her a ride when it's midnight already even though the road is contradictory.. may be the examples are too much, but like giving a girl compliment just to make her smile, is just too rare lately. Or as simple as open a seat or a chair to woman without being asked, now I would call it a miracle.

It doesn't have to make a woman helpless to accept that kind of gesture, or it's too western style or we demand it as equality.. NO.. NO.. NO... for me this kind of gesture is flattering, and it's so rare to find lately, that a boy or a man with intentionally has a bad tendency towards women can use this as one of their methods. Yeah, this kind gesture sometimes misinterpret into a bad intention to get short pleasure.

Who do I have to blame? the equality movements? the independence fight for women so that we -as women- need no help from men? well what is the meaning equal? well I have said there once during my bachelor degree era, I said that equal for men and women are not the same, well we cannot kill the nature side of men or women. I took a degree that majority is men, electrical engineering but it didn't make me lost my feminine side, it did improved and boosted my feminine side because it was easy to be acknowledged as a rare creature in the field. Raised and grew in this kind of situation made me a very loud and outspoken person, though I still uphold the feminine side of me. Showing your feminine side is not, once again NOT stupid, it shows that you have taste and sensitivity more than other, not as a weakness but as a strength that can only be felt as a woman.

Well I demand these gentlemen gestures as a woman, it would not make me as an as*h*le right? because it becomes my requirement for a man.. well don't you want to be treated as a lady despite recent styles of life.. likewise an as*ho*e??


-Jakarta, April 24th, 2017-  


Jun 25, 2016

What's up again.... It's 2016 Already... :D

Hi there, again it's been a while writing on this blog. I visited this page like many.. many time.. but just for taking a glance but too lazy or too busy  facing my life lately (yeah.. right??)

Many things happened in my life, good, bad, some were so so. I've been better, yes I would say so while looking at my life stage now. What happened? jobs? yes, family? yes, me? of course. I've been in a state like I just don;t what to do anymore..

Yes..yes.. yes.. my life was not terrible all the time, I got My Degree.. yes my post graduate MBA -degree, after like 3 years of almost-drop-out kind of student. Well, I know it was harder when you do study and working at the same time, but in my case, it's still the same, procrastination is a deadly virus. But I passed it anyway, with struggle and almost desperate kind of situation (like you cried in a praying room while you;re waiting for approval from your thesis supervisor - yes I DID THAT T__T). However I managed it, on 15th October 2015 (yes it's last year) my graduation ceremony was held, magnificently, it was more festive than what I got from my previous degrees (I have two Bachelor degrees from different University - it was best moment though :)). I dressed up more, obviously, my mom did too... here we go some part of the celebration.



Well that's a part the good stories, I would say that I fought really hard though I did not get to have a very distinctive honor, just passing this was very much enough for me (this time)...

It's all about my proudly educational life, I really want to continuing on a research but until now I'm still unable to gain courage or just start doing it. Hopefully I got the gut to do it, and I hoe that I will got what I really want to do (seriously?? I still don't know what I like most to do).

Enough about that, and we would continue on the updates about job hmm.... honestly I envy those people at my age (or even younger) really know what they want to do and they're doing it now, at this moment. Because I believe that if you love what you do, whatever things happens in front of you, you'll fight with all your strength. Or at least you are a kind of person who always have the energy to just "go with it" and become a restless person in pouring totally in their lives.

If you think I don't like my job, I'm not sure, or do I like it, I don't know either. Currently I was just do what ever happens in front of me (hopefully despite of my ill-expression face when some jobs come after me).

Once again, I don't mean to seem like I'm not a grateful person, but although I has some difficulties in my current jobs, there were some lucky events while I was working in current position, such as:



Hmm not bad right?? hehehe... You can see my collection just click the link above.

That's all my life updates... a short update after 3 years of absence in this blog. I don't try to be a famous blogger or the ones with magnificent snapshots, pictures, or a blog of knowledge and something useful, well this is my lifeline in the blog. Hope y'all in a healthy life.. :)

Sep 8, 2013

How I miss the old me....

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." – Anon

Have you ever wanted to go back in time? or just to feel the same energy like you had before? The enthusiaism, the craving for new things.... are some of the part the I miss the most....

Ada beberapa titik dalam kehidupan dimana aku bisa overcome things that I never imagined to face to... I was once never feeling lonely when I was alone. I was once bravely facing everything while I was so exhausted and even clueless. I was once a person who had a strong belief and dream. I was so determined in anything comes to my life in any way I could. But now, why do I feel everything is different?

A friend told me that I'm not in the same teritorry as I was before, where currently everything's more heterogent and challenging than before. I need to be more tactical in a very simple thing in my life. But is that what I want? Is that what I want to achieve? or I just don't want to learn? or I just don't want to change? or I just want to be in the safe side?

Many things wandered in my head, my fears, my regrets, my thoughts, my questions, my instability. Well, perhaps some one can be changed because of the environment or the forces are bigger than their life so they should change and survive. But become a survivor is not enough here, so what should I do? I just miss the old me, with the courage and the hope :(

..looking back over my shoulder.....




Jul 15, 2013

I can, can't I?

Banyak buku personality self help ataupun motivation book or theories yang bilang kita harus up to challenge, mengahadapi yang ada di depan kita, membuktikan bahwa kita bisa menyelesaikan masalah. Well, itu adalah most of theories, the optimist ones, the bright side of any effort we made.

Tapi entah kenapa, kalau diaplikasikan ke dalam diri sendiri, selalu ada pemikiran yang contradictory, atau bisa dibilang berlawanan dari apapun yang pernah aku hadapi ataupun yang ditugaskan dari orang lain, dalam hal ini adalah pekerjaan. Sering timbul pemikiran di kepala 'Kok semakin memberatkan sih?' 'Kok ga mau membantu dan malah menyusahkan' 'Ini kan seharusnya bukan saya yang mengerjakan' 'Mana bisa kalo saya yang ngerjain' 'Kok semua yang susah ke aku sih?'

Sifat overly risk averse ini, somehow membuat kepalaku cloudy, makes me so emotionally driven dan total bad tempered. Seorang teman pernah mengingatkan utk menghitung dari 1-10 sebelum mencoba merespon apapun baik pikiran maupun ucapan apalagi tindakan. It happened to me today, well I know I should've tried or at least scratched a simple concept and did a part of what requested. However, I managed to calm myself down for the first and it takes some time *sigh* Apalagi di tempat ini semuanya harus bergerak cepat dan dituntut cepat haphaphap ga ada waktu wandering around. Nah klo kayak gini terus aku gimana? berkembang ga yah? bisa ga yah? bisa kok bisa, pelan-pelan :)

Pernah menelpon bapak menceritakan IPK S2 yang tidak sesuai dengan keinginankua, beliau dengan pelannya bilang "Alhamdulillah masih di atas 3.5 ga harus perfect kok nak, disyukuri, dijalani dan dinikmati aja' nasihat ini seperti angin segar, tapi bertolak belakang dengan lingkungan yang menuntut nilai yg selalu tinggi almost reaching for perfection, it's hard :( however actually it's like a love-and-hate situation. I love the beat and every knowledge that I get but the other way I'm suffered from perfection pressure :(

Soundtrack kegundahan ini adalah lagu electro-pop-dance, Clarity by Zedd feat foxes, cool video and deep meaning lyrics :)



High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

(Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey)

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?


(Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey-ay-ay. Hey-ay, hey)
Why are you my clarity?Why are you my remedy?Why are you my clarity?Why are you my remedy?
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?